Remembering How They Made You Feel
“I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.”what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.”
-Maya Angelou from “What I’ve Learned”
It was a cold and rainy February night in Seattle. I was precepting health science student volunteers as part of a mobile outreach project serving adults experiencing homelessness. An older woman approached the van moving slowly while grasping onto her walker weighed down with multiple plastic grocery bags full of her belongings. She told one of the students that she wanted to speak with the doctor about a sore on her ankle. I looked at her face thinking that it looked familiar but couldn’t place it exactly. She politely asked to be helped up onto the van out of the rain to be examined with some semblance of privacy. After helping her onto the exam table, I asked her permission to look at her wound. As I gently removed the slippers she was wearing lined with baby diapers to keep her feet dry, I saw what was obviously a diabetic ulcer on her ankle. I took my time asking her questions not only about the ulcer, but also about her experience with the doctors and hospitals she had encountered in seeking treatment. It was not surprising to hear a story of fragmented care, ER visits with long waits, and encounters with healthcare providers unaware of the challenges to maintain her health given her living conditions. I gently cleaned and dressed the wound, giving her extra supplies to do her own wound care, while I listened patiently.
There was no EMR, no high-tech treatments, no pressure for time, just a compassionate encounter between patient and doctor. As we finished up, she glanced at my nametag which read “Dr. Joe” and a smile came over her face. She asked if I had worked at Mary’s Place - a day center for women experiencing homelessness which included meals, healthcare, support groups, and other programs. It was then that I recognized her face and remembered seeing her frequently when I was a volunteer doctor in the clinic there several years ago. She said she remembered me as a kind and compassionate doctor and thanked me for helping her once again as I had in the past.
Before that encounter, I was pretty miserable standing outside in the cold, wondering why I had volunteered for this event knowing how bad the weather was in February. But just that one patient encounter made all the difference. As a matter of fact, I was basking in the glow of that encounter for a week afterward.
So much of what we do as doctors these days is filled with meaningless tasks of clicking boxes on EMRs, clearing our in-baskets, submitting prior authorizations, keeping up with the numbers. It’s no wonder so many of my coaching clients consider leaving medicine all together because this is not what they went to medical school to do. But, in the midst of everything we struggle with in the course of a clinic day or hospital shift, there is often at least one patient encounter which can make our day if we can take time to notice. Maybe it was consoling the new mom who was feeling inadequate in caring for her newborn baby. Maybe it was the family of a seriously ill patient in the hospital who was so appreciative of someone taking the time to answer their questions. Maybe it was a co-worker who thanked you for helping them out when they were at their wits end. By taking a moment to review each day to find that one significant moment which reminded us of why we decided to become doctors, we can counteract some of the impact of all the chronic hassles that fill our day.
There is no doubt that significant organizational changes need to be made in our workplaces to improve the experiences of all health professionals. Otherwise, the mass exodus which we are seeing now will continue unabated. Some more enlightened institutions are starting to make some of these changes. But, in the meantime, if we look at those things which we do have control over in the course of our workdays, such as the joy we get from one event each day, we can sustain ourselves through this challenging time.
So, here are a few things I suggest trying to let those positive encounters sink in.
Take a moment each day before you go to sleep to think about one patient encounter where you made a difference in someone’s life.
Record a positive patient story using a voice recording app on your phone while driving home.
Find a texting pal to exchange brief stories each day that made you feel glad to be a doctor.
Research has shown that marinating on these positive encounters can change our neural pathways and increase our experiences of joy.
What else can you do to sustain yourself during these challenging times?
Compassionately,
-Dr. Joe
If you or someone else you know is experiencing burnout, confusion, or just
needs some support in discerning next steps, I’d love to talk to you about how
coaching can help. Just contact me at joe@joeshermanmd.com or schedule
here for a free video consultation. You owe it to yourself, your family, and your
patients to take action.